Lily
by EmbattledCurve
Summary: What made Snape the bitter, hard, cynical man that he is? Maybe a letter written by him to Lily upon hearing of her death, will give us some insight? one-shot fic.


Hello. Well I'm a big Snape fan. I believe that there's a reason for all his bitterness, there must have been a time when Snape in his younger days was different. So what happened that changed it all? What made him a death eater? I think it's scorned love.  
  
This is basically an insight into the real Snape. He finally pens down all his feelings towards Lily, which he was unable to express upon her death. It's one shot.  
  
A : you know my opinion where Snape is concerned, need I say more?  
  
Lily,  
  
You and I never had a relationship, where I could address you as 'dear'. It's been a long time. I've stopped counting. Time has no significance for me anymore. The only time it ever had was when you were there. It's been so long, that it's hard. It's hard for me to remember you, to remember what it was like, for it hurts. But I can never forget.  
  
You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. And James and you were meant for each other. I watched you mature from the shy, awkward child that you were into a sensitive and lovely girl. I know that there have been times when I have hurt you, and for that I'm sorry. You were like a flower, a fragile Lily, and so I could only watch but not touch. To me you were unreachable. We were in two different worlds, and this may surprise you but I envied yours.  
  
Every one knew that someday you and James would marry and then you would become Mrs. Lily James Potter. So did i. But nothing could have prepared me for the eventuality. You see, until then I was clinging on to this shard of hope, that maybe someday, somehow you and I could be together. Subconsciously I tried to ignore the simple fact, that you and I were never meant to be.  
  
Upon being confronted with harsh reality, I was knocked out of my paper doll world. Suddenly, life lost all meaning, and everything came to a standstill. I became a death eater. I was a young man, fresh out of school, and full of enthusiasm. It's not who you are that counts, it's the choices we make. I made the wrong one. Reflecting back, there were so many things that I could have done differently, but now it's too late. I served him faithfully for many years.  
  
And then I realised, that this was not who I am, and it's not who I'm going to be. The only purpose of my being a death eater, was to escape reality. Unlike you, who fought till the end, I was a coward. I took the easy way out. My whole life was a charade, until you came into it, and that's what it returned to, when you left. Those years at Hogwarts were the most idyllic. Everywhere I go, i see you. I still do.  
  
I saw Harry. He's beautiful. When I saw him, it was like being confronted by James's ghost, telling me it was pay back time for all the pain I ever caused. Harry's destined to do great things. After all he's your son, but he has your eyes, the same soft green eyes.  
  
I will see him in exactly 11 years, at Hogwarts, as his new Potions Professor. I don't want to admit this, but I will be looking forward to it. It will be refreshing to see what the years have done to him.  
  
I know I'm too late, but I think the reason I never told you, was because I was afraid of your reaction. I love you Lily, I always have and I always will.  
  
Severus.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
It was pouring, with all the fury that the heaven's could muster. The icy wind whipped around the trees, with no mercy. Flashes of lightning that were defeaning, added to the sense of despair. A solitary figure in a trench coat, plodded on undetered. He stopped upon reaching a Tombstone, and knelt down. Placing a piece of parchment upon the grave, his last words were ' Goodbye Lily' before he was gone, as though he was never there.  
  
So how was it? I know it's angsty, but I feel very sorry for him, for he's a very lonely man. Please review and let me know what you think of it. Constructive criticisim and lavish praise are looked upon with delight.  
  
embattledcurve 


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